we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
not ubering you a puppy
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
