when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
