So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
