1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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