I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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