I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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