so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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