Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
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