you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
