my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize