Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
