nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
