dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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