the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
