On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
