sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
