There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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