alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
