So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
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