Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
