So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
