just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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