It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
