Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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