I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
