Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
he told me I talked like a deaf person
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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