He disabled his match.com account in front of me
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
