my phone needs a breathalizer
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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