I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
