I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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