my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
