Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
