I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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