id be glad to
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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