there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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