I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
