I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Randomize
