don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
