Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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