Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
