why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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