He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
