Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
