i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize