proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize