so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
