That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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