but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
