So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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