Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
