What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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