I want to stick my p in your. b.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
