So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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