That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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