What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize