Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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