I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
