I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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