He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
