So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
