thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
