Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
