Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
