it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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