I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
