I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize