This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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