She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
