Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
