well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize