Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
