I think my vagina is haunted
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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