I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
