Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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