My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
