i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
