Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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