So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
