dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
