woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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