I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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