So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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