I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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