I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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