i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize