Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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