it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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