SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
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