Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
