He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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