So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Randomize