Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
