Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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