he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
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