I want to have your abortion
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
