Moan for me like Helen Keller
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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