He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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